Monday, October 11, 2010

Turn the Page

I took a vacation.

For a month I wasn't me. I didn't do what I do, I didn't love what I love, I didn't vent how I vent, and I didn't allow myself to create. For a month, I took a vacation from myself. This world is full of trials, and I am no maiden free of fret. I had reached the deadlands, and I was too thirsty to look for water. So I closed my books, turned off my computer, snuffed the candle, and went to bed.

I would like to say that this long vacation was a voluntary one, a quest to search for my wandering self, but it was a trial of necessity. Luckily, in the darkest times, it is easier to see the soft glow of a dying candle. I accepted a gift that changed my mind about everything, and I mean that in the deepest sense of the phrase. When I opened my eyes after the long sleep, the world was fresh and new and I could finally see it.

I carved a hole in my home for a study. With no funding and only a smattering of odd pieces of fancy collected over the last decade, I have begun the labor of love that is creating a daily escape devoted solely to the nurturing of my inner muse. I made a bouquet from donated flowers, assembled odd pieces of electronics to make a decent sound system and T.V., dug out my book-signing table for a temporary desk, and brought forth my grand collection of scented candles. One tiny accent and addition at a time, I have been building my shelter within my home. A reed diffuser... a cleverly placed tealight tree... a discretely tucked hanging folder box. One by one, I am adding the pieces of peace and security that will make my study a tuning fork for my withered soul in the long nights of winter.

Every time I walk past The Fallen Shadow, laying in pieces on my desk in the dining room, I think "Soon. Soon, my dear friend, we will become as close as we once were."

I see labeled folders slid into open file boxes, each holding color-coded 3x5 cards, outlines, and character portraits. I see neatly organized supplies, easy to reach and of the necessary quality and whimsy to inspire. I see research materials for my latest project(s) tagged and collated into nested inbox shelves. And most importantly, I see me, surrounded by the soft glow of candles, tapping away at the light keys of the compact keyboard of a humming laptop as soft tones of carefully selected tracks and albums fill the air with energy. It is not there yet, but the study of my dreams is not the massive, oak-rich den with a blazing mantle and imposing bookshelves. It's me, surrounded by the things I love, working with the things I am blessed to have, and thanking God for every moment I can burn my candles late into the night chasing my aspirations.

I awoke and I found myself in a world changed but the same, with a heart honed but softened, and a mind full to bursting with openness and naked virtue.

Thank you God for Becky and for her gift of Simple Abundance, that could not have found me in a darker hour and that effortlessly led me into the healing sunrise of hope once more.

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